certain events change our impressions of life

I’m probably not even a quarter way through my life yet, but I feel I’ve experienced enough to last a lifetime; personally, within my friends and family, and things seen throughout the world. Certain moments just put impressions into our viewpoints of life, and sometimes those moments help us see ourselves when we are in tough times, or completely ruin us.

It was more than a decade ago when I met Becky Remenda, who has been my best friend since that first day in Kindergarten. In wasn’t really one of those ‘popular’ students. I didn’t get along with many people; it was more my choice, I didn’t like how they acted. It wasn’t until about the third grade when I started making some more friends, but we did keep a tight group. We normally just played ‘spaceship’ in one of the trees, one which we still visit to re-live those moments. Becky and I were extremely shy, yet always loud and seemed to always be laughing. It had always been hard for me when family came over to our house because of my shyness, so I would just hide myself in a corner and read a book. But when the time came to go to middle school, and be in a building with hundreds of kids we’ve never met before, Becky and I began making new friends, I believed that I could talk to people, by myself. I was no longer shy. I was outgoing. We both were.

It’s amazing how fast time flies by. Not just when you’re older, but when you’re a child. You can’t make good mud pies anymore when you’re 10, and you just look plain dumb jumping in puddles when you’re 16. We were in grade 6, Becky and I. We were planning on being in the same class until high school, where I’d go to Belmont, far away from my house, but closer to her new house. Everything was planned. Too bad life took its own turn and offered her mother a better job, in Peace River, Alberta. So in summer of 2005, I technically had to learn how to be by myself. Sure, I was able to talk to people, but I felt almost naked without Becky by my side saying those cheesy lines. By the end of grade 7, I would hide myself at the back of the school, crying. Grade 8 almost flew by. My teacher never gave me a chance to say anything, and gave me a detention because I was reading in class. After leaving Colquitz, I promised myself I would never go back.

High school is always the biggest change. Everyone tries to be noticed. Girls put on faces each morning in hope some ridiculously hot guy will notice them. I decided that I would be able to start things fresh. Here I met Katherine Savoy: Musical Theatre Nerd, Math Whiz, and her first year out of home-schooling. Exactly in the same position as I; we knew of no one. We would stay after school in the library doing out Math and Science homework until we got kicked out, passed hilarious notes in class, and sang and danced in the rain (in perfect harmony of course). She was like another Becky. We were always sitting in the hallway until I introduced her to my old friends, who would sit on the other side of the hall. We quickly found same topics of interest and I had a new group of friends. It felt strange at first, but then I got into the drift of walking with people home from school and having sleepovers. You can still take joy of the simplest things in life.

Once you hit grade 10, some people still care about being noticed, but others just give up and go their own way. I was still getting over the stresses and sadness of my Grandparents passing away. This was a point where I was able to witness how people react differently the death; my Dad unplugged the phone and internet for 4 months, while his siblings decided rummaged through their parents’ stuff to see what to sell and what to throw out. And they also chose to sue my Dad because he was in possession of some of their things. I ended up seeing my Aunt, who I though was extremely sweet, scream and swear at my Dad, at their father’s death bad. Before was the first time I had ever seen my father cry. I’ve been warned by him that if I invite my Aunts or Uncles to my wedding, he will not go. And I just absorbed this all like a sponge, and just couldn’t handle myself. I hid myself away from the world again, and thought self-harm was the best choice.

Love is the worst teenage stress, but once in that blue moon, it’s totally worth it. Since grade 9 I’d seen girl frolicking around with their new boyfriends who usually last a week and always wonder I could never get that. I had friends, and I was normally busy with band, but I always wondered why no guy would like me. I let that feeling haunt me until I switched schools (caused by mass amounts of stress), and pray fate would give me a chance. And it did. It only lasted just a bit over a month, but it made me so happy. He gave me that fluttering feeling in the pit of my stomach, that pleasant lightheaded feeling, that delightful feeling of drunkenness when his lips touched mine. Our ‘relationship’ faded, and I felt him more as a friend. I was glad I was able to experience that joy, something everybody yearns for, and deserves.

It’s been a bit over a year now since depression started, and after stress, suicide attempts, sliced arms, love, medicine and monthly psychiatrist appointments I’ve come to realize that life is beautiful and there is so much I wish to learn. Becky and I have been e-mailing at least once a day, and I just know that she is the person in my life. She made me what I am. Though she’s so far, she’s helped me. I’ve also taken the time to teach myself pointless things that will probably never help me in life, but I’m somewhat glad I know them. Knowledge is power.